Dear Africa,
I didn't know what to expect. I mean, I knew what to expect when I saw my family, and the shops, and the familiar scenes of Cape Town. But I really didn't know how my heart would behave towards you, Africa. You are the one that I yearn for every day. The one that I left behind without saying Goodbye properly. The one that discarded me for someone new.
Have you ever met an old love again after a few years of not seeing him? You still recognize his face, his tone of voice, even the feel of his hand when he gives you a quick hug in greeting. You still smile at his jokes. You actually still like him. But the familiarity is gone. After the initial catching up on news, there's not much more to say. That's how I felt about you, Africa. I don't belong with you anymore. I've forgotten how to have you in my life.
Have I stopped loving you, Africa, the continent of my birth? Or, like it happens when a lover dumps you for someone new, have I got unresolved feelings for you? Is this feeling of neutrality just a way to 'build a wall' around my heart, and protect myself from feeling hurt by you again, Africa? I can't live with you anymore, Africa. I had very little choice in our separation. It was all your doing. You had other people which you started nurturing and caring for. Africa, you stopped loving me first.
Oh, Africa, my Africa. I will never stop loving you. But I have a new life now. A new love is growing in my heart. It's Aotearoa!
But, Africa, can we at least still be friends?
With love from Me.
Watercolour by well known Swellendam artist Rae Smit.
